Someday I'll Be Wonderful

onlysaytheword @ 2004-02-23T14:54:00

2004-02-23T19:54:59Z

I'm undeleting this so that I don't lose the 500 odd entries I made. But I won't be using it anymore, so don't bother commenting on anything.

onlysaytheword @ 2004-02-20T15:21:00

2004-02-20T20:30:50Z

I don't even know what to write. I'm so frustrated, I want to just delete this journal.

I feel very judged lately. People who know only half-stories are passing judgement without in my opinion even trying to understand my side of things.

I didnt decide to stop going to church because i wanted to reject god> my keyboard is all messed up< so my typing is too> i stoppped going to church because church was making me umhappy and i was being dishonest with myself and trying to be someone i"m not>

i"m just trying to be me< without all the pretending> no more pretending for me> i refuse to be someone i"m not< just to make my friends happy> and if you"re really my friend you"ll just accept that i am who i am>

whatever> i"ll decide after work whether i want to delete this thing>

Tim would be proud!

2004-02-20T08:11:29Z

You're Catch-22!

by Joseph Heller

Incredibly witty and funny, you have a taste for irony in all that you
see. It seems that life has put you in perpetually untenable situations, and your sense
of humor is all that gets you through them. These experiences have also made you an
ardent pacifist, though you present your message with tongue sewn into cheek. You
could coin a phrase that replaces the word "paradox" for millions of
people.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

onlysaytheword @ 2004-02-20T02:10:00

2004-02-20T07:13:36Z

@#!%*

I hate this fucking computer. Long long udpate full of thoughts erased into oblivion.

And I'm not typing them again.

I'll sum it up quickly. Yes, I've changed. And I'm glad I have. I like the me in progress. The me I'll someday become.

I'm a good person. I don't need religion to make me 'good.'

That's about it.

Feeling Productive

2004-02-19T22:18:34Z

Got woken up by Justin this morning and called into work for lunch, and I'm glad I did.

Working during the day ROCKS. The atmosphere is just so much more positive. It's amazing how palpable it is that it's not prejudged that we're going to fail. My window time was 20 seconds, which is like, great. I've never had it that low before. Jess said at one point it was 19. Yay. My ROVs were .15% and my Biggie Sizing was 45.45%. Subpar Crew Member? I think not!

Going back at 8 to work until close. Hoping things will go as well. I am determined to go in with a positive attitude. It doesn't help for me to be pessimistic and all.

Speaking of positivity, I am feeling better about handling my loan payments. My Sallie Mae loan payments are going to be $200 a month and my Direct loan payments are going to be $103 a month. In 4 years, my Sallie Mae payments will go up, but if I can't handle all my payments, I can extend the term of my Direct Loans. If I don't extend the term, I'll be all paid off in ten years. Things just seem much more manageable right now.

It feels good.

onlysaytheword @ 2004-02-18T21:21:00

2004-02-19T02:26:06Z

You know, there was a time when I thought my redeeming qualities included being fairly inteligent and down to earth, ultimately choosing the good inspite of my regular impulsiveness.

My grandmother told me today that she thinks my values have changed, and I'm sure David is convinced I'm the most stupid person he knows. (or close)

I really don't know. I don't think my values have declined, which is what my grandmother means when she said they've changed. My core values have always been the same. To be a generally honest person of good character who stands up for what is right and loves her friends unconditionally. The hours I keep, clothes I wear, friends I have, and churches I do not attend have no affect on that.

And screw you if you think they do.

A little Trisha on a cold day

2004-02-18T19:37:30Z

Don’t be afraid to hold me tight
You know I won’t break in two
What we’re doing tonight
Sure beats what we’re going through
We’ve both loved and lost before
We know the sadness it can bring
Tonight let’s close the door
And hold on to the nearest thing

Let’s keep hanging on
So we won’t fall apart
Let’s make love tonight
Like we never had a broken heart

Don’t be afraid to close your eyes
Pretend I’m someone that you love
And I won’t have to tell you lies
’cause it’s not you I’m thinking of

Let’s keep hanging on
So we won’t fall apart
Let’s make love tonight
Like we never had a broken heart

Tonight we’ll just pretend
We’ve been in love right from the start
Let’s make love again
Like we never had a broken heart

Don’t be afraid to close your eyes

In Bed...

2004-02-18T04:46:09Z

Don't behave with cold manners.

Add a fortune to your website or
blog, click
here.

onlysaytheword @ 2004-02-16T13:09:00

2004-02-16T18:10:11Z

Oy. I'm definitely sick again.

Damn my throat.

onlysaytheword @ 2004-02-16T03:14:00

2004-02-16T08:14:53Z

Okay, so the articles didn't get edited today. And I won't have time tomorrow.

But Tuesday. I swear!!

Christine should be sending me more, so we'll be all set. Yay.

Oh, the Burdens of an Editor Hellbent on Success

2004-02-15T23:04:05Z

Well, I've got the radio on full blast and I'm about to begin the tedious task of editing every article I have in my possession.

I'm actually glad no one is home tonight. My house has been too crowded for my liking lately. I need personal space and I've had none.

A lot has fallen by the wayside as a result of personal things going on and the fact that I havce a social life, so I am going to try to refocus once again.

It looks like Onerock Magazine is going monthly. There goes writing a book...

I'm going to be somebody someday

2004-02-15T07:04:28Z

I feel an incredible urge to write. I have no idea why. Tomorrow will be spent editing articles and I'm sending them directly to Chaser. Sorry Robert and crew, but this damn Magazine needs to go out ON TIME. It's not going to be as good as it should have been and I'll more than willingly take the blame for it, because it's my responsibility to get a good Magazine out.

Basically, I'm reorganising the entire editorial team. I haven't figured out exactly how I am going to do it, but tomorrow I'll have my whole game plan worked out. I just wish the boards were up. It would make my life oh so easier.

I go through moments of being really plugged in and then down swings where I just can't find it in me to care, only because I feel so overwhelmed.

When I get a strong grip on getting this thing running smoothly, maybe I'll have some confidence in my editorial skills and my journalistic skills. For some reason, Tim thinks I do a good job, but I can't help but disagree when I feel like things always get slapped together and we seem to deliver less than we shopuld have. I don't want this magazine to be nothing but hype.

I've also got to get plugged back in at work. Yesterday was really horrible and I don't really feel like today was all that much better. I was pretty upset for the first half of my shift, because Eddie said that the managers thought I was useless. Granted, I should consider the source, but I guess I'll always have that voice in the back of my head that says I'll never be good enough. At anything.

Maybe I should try my hand at writing a book. It seems to be the Envogue thing, and Tim's book is pretty damn good. Maybe if I put in the time and effort, I could write as well as he does. Maybe. When I grow up, I want to write as well as Tim does. /

onlysaytheword @ 2004-02-15T00:21:00

2004-02-15T05:28:32Z

Yay. Valentines is over.

::grin::

Yes, I'm just bitter, because I had no valentine.

Because God likes to laugh

2004-02-14T08:30:51Z

Work today BLEW.

Tim said I'm a mess. He says that to me all the time. He also asked me why the Night Crew sucks, and I told him, I think it's because people just don't care. And I think it's true. If more people cared, we'd succeed more.

And of course, instead of proving to him that the Night Crew doesn't suck tonight, I TOTALLY SUCKED all day.

And I forgot what else I was going to say.

Oops.

The World Is MINE! by Demonac
Name:
You will conquer:	Jay Leno's chin (that's some serious real-estate).
Your title will be:	Prince/Princess (you didn't want to be presumptuous)
You will succeed by:	Creating your own religion where you are God.
Your Enforcers will be:	An army of Assault Lawyers (preferably in Powered Armor).
Your first act as ruler:	Move on to bigger conquests.
(What happened after)	Try "The World Was Yours! What Happened?" MEME to find out!

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

onlysaytheword @ 2004-02-13T13:56:00

2004-02-13T19:07:17Z

I showed Gramma the new clothes I got.

She laughed at the dress. lol

Not because it didn't look good, but because it wasn't 'me.'

She said, "What is Wendys doing to you?" hehe

Oh and the drama in my life continues. My mother had heart surgery, my bother got kicked out of school, my uncle left is his girlfriend and she's put a restraining order on him, claiming he beat her. I could write thousands of words on why that's not even nearly believable. And now my step-Mom says she's leaving my father.

Yeah, life is messed up.

Rob's Interview

2004-02-13T06:11:49Z

1) Why am I a punk?

You were just born that way.

2) If you could go without seeing one color for the rest of you life, what color and why?

You really meant 'your life,' didn't you?

3) If there was no soccer in the world (I could only wish), what would you do?

I'd invent it.

4) Seriously, who's the best writer that works for you?

Tim. Although, technically, I work for him.

5) What is the air speed of an unlaiden swallow?

Which variety?

Movie MeMe

2004-02-12T19:02:36Z

The ones that I have seen are in bold...

1. Godfather, The (1972)
2. Shawshank Redemption, The (1994)
3. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The (2003)
4. Godfather: Part II, The (1974)
5. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002)
6. Casablanca (1942)
7. Schindler's List (1993)
8. Shichinin no samurai (1954) ("The Seven Samurai".)
9. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The (2001)
10. Citizen Kane (1941)
11. Star Wars (1977)
12. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
13. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
14. Rear Window (1954)
15. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
16. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
17. Memento (2000)
18. Usual Suspects, The (1995)
19. Pulp Fiction (1994)
20. North by Northwest (1959)
21. Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain, Le (2001)
22. Psycho (1960)
23. 12 Angry Men (1957)
24. Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
25. Silence of the Lambs, The (1991)
26. Buono, il brutto, il cattivo, Il (1966)
27. It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
28. Goodfellas (1990)
29. American Beauty (1999)
30. Vertigo (1958)
31. Sunset Blvd. (1950)
32. Pianist, The (2002)
33. Matrix, The (1999)
34. Apocalypse Now (1979)
35. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
36. Some Like It Hot (1959)
37. Taxi Driver (1976)
38. Third Man, The (1949)
39. Paths of Glory (1957)
40. C'era una volta il West (1968)
41. Fight Club (1999)
42. Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi (2001) ("Spirited Away". The Disney movie)
43. Boot, Das (1981)
44. Double Indemnity (1944)
45. L.A. Confidential (1997)
46. Chinatown (1974)
47. Singin' in the Rain (1952)
48. Requiem for a Dream (2000)
49. Maltese Falcon, The (1941)
50. M (1931)
51. All About Eve (1950)
52. Bridge on the River Kwai, The (1957)
53. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
54. Se7en (1995)
55. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
56. Raging Bull (1980)
57. Cidade de Deus (2002)
58. Wizard of Oz, The (1939)
59. Rashômon (1950)
60. Sting, The (1973)
61. Alien (1979)
62. American History X (1998)
63. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
64. Léon (1994)
65. Vita è bella, La (1997)
66. Touch of Evil (1958)
67. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
68. Manchurian Candidate, The (1962)
69. Wo hu cang long (2000)
70. Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The (1948)
71. Great Escape, The (1963)
72. Clockwork Orange, A (1971)
73. Reservoir Dogs (1992)
74. Annie Hall (1977)
75. Amadeus (1984)
76. Jaws (1975)
77. On the Waterfront (1954)
78. Ran (1985)
79. Modern Times (1936)
80. High Noon (1952)
81. Braveheart (1995)
82. Apartment, The (1960)
83. Sixth Sense, The (1999)
84. Fargo (1996)
85. Aliens (1986)
86. Shining, The (1980)
87. Blade Runner (1982)
88. Strangers on a Train (1951)
89. Duck Soup (1933)
90. Metropolis (1927)
91. Finding Nemo (2003)
92. Donnie Darko (2001)
93. Toy Story 2 (1999)
94. Princess Bride, The (1987)
95. General, The (1927)
96. City Lights (1931)
97. Lola rennt (1998) ("Run, Lola, Run")
98. Notorious (1946)
99. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
100. Sjunde inseglet, Det (1957)

Single's Awareness Day

2004-02-12T17:21:48Z

All you people who are writing all lovey dovey Valentine posts are making me entirely sick. AND THEY'RE ALL FROM GUYS SO FAR!!

Granted, I would prolly do the same if I had a boyfriend, but I DON'T and I have to WORK on Feb. 14, so they are really annoying me.

LOL, Steph and I were saying we'd be each other's Valentines, but I want a real Valentine, damn it. But it's okay. I don't need a socially acceptable thing on a freaking arbitrary day to feel validated. It's perfectly fine that NOBODY loves me.

None of you will probably believe this, but I honestly am not upset that I don't have a Valentine. It's okay. I'm just such a girl sometimes. :o)

Wendy's Rant

2004-02-12T06:48:01Z

Wow. I'm in the most foul mood ever. People at work just piss me the hell off. Why bother to show up for a shift if you're not actually going to give it your all? And if not your all, at least 75%.

Natalie fucking pisses me off. She just does. She does a good job in the dining room, I'll give her that, but everything else... I just don't see it. And she definitely just doesn't fucking care. And then says something like, "Oh, I can't do everything."

Can't do everything my ass. The sandwich maker is definitely supposed to bag and if there's no Co-ordinator, co-ordinate. But no. Instead, we'll just stand around and talk. Because that's so much better.

We don't suck because of the management. I don't care how many times Justin or Tiff say that it's their fault or whatever. We're only as strong as our weakest member is willing to be. WILLING to be. If half the people on the shift don't give a fuck, we're not going to have good drive thru times or get out early or in good time.

Yeah and it may be just a low paying job that doesn't get much appreciation, but it's still a job and how anyone can just show up for the paycheck and not take pride in the quality of their work is just freaking beyond me. I just don't get it.

I don't fucking get it at all.

But if you did read this far, you deserve to see something positive. So, I am happy to report that I did go shopping today and amazingly, I am a size 10. That's just unfreaking believable. And I bought a wicked bangin dress. Too bad I have no ocassion for which to wear it. ::le sigh::

onlysaytheword @ 2004-02-11T14:14:00

2004-02-11T19:16:14Z

If my screen name randomly IMs you with some stupid link DON'T CLICK IT!!!!

I have some sort of virus.

Dear goodness, I want my laptop back!!!! Stupid brothers downloading random crap on the family computer...

onlysaytheword @ 2004-02-11T12:09:00

2004-02-11T17:34:23Z

Jen's questions:

1. who the hell are all these people in your user icons lately?

They're from the West Wing. The blonde girl is Donna. She's just awesome. Rob Lowe is obviously Sam, cause I've told you this many times. The other guy in the picture with "Optimism" on it is Will Bailey. He's Sam's replacement. The girl in the other pictures in Amy. She has the personality I want to have, Tough, sarcastic, but deep down sweet. And the 'Break my faith" guy is Josh.

2. what do you want to be when you grow up?

I want to be sucessful and content and someone's soft place to fall. [no snickering, punks]

3. if you woke up tomorrow with no fears, how would you spend the day?

I'd start by going to the gym and then I'd eat a yummy breakfast cooked by me. I'd start working on all my story and poem ideas, instead of just burying them away. I'd go to work and totally rock. I might even apply for a real job somewhere, or talk to someone about becoming more promotable. And I'd call up a bunch of my friends and tell them how much I really cared. And then I'd sleep a peaceful sleep. Cause peaceful sleep rocks.

4. what would you put in a time capsule to be buried and opened several hundred years from now?

I'd put DVDs of what I consider to be the defining movies of our time. Books. Newspapers. A journal. A picture of Rob Lowe. ;o) LOL, my time capsule is BORING.

5. how long would it take you to eat your weight in chocolate?

Probably a month, if I didn't care about the devestation reeked on my figure.

Tanya's Questions

What are some aspects of your ideal life 5 years in the future?

I'd be happy. Not the forced to smile, look for validation everywhere happiness that I'm used to. I guess I just want to be okay with who I am and have a stable life.

What is a favorite obsession right now?

American Idol. Yes, I feel dirty admitting that.

Who is your favorite West Wing character and why?

Sam!! For some of the same reasons you listed. I love Sam's idealism. He's always striving for good. And there's nothing better than being the champion of good, no matter what the cost.

If you could take a 2-week vacation anywhere on Earth (with money no object), where would you go?

I'd honestly go to Georgia. Yeah, pretty local, considering I could go anywhere in the world, but I have friends there who mean the world to me and I never get to see them.

What is your favorite kind of pie?

At the risk of sounding unAmerican, I really HATE pie, but I do like egg custard pie.

----

Well, I'm sitting here eating a few days old Chinese food and that makes me happy. I'm feeling a little sick today, but nothing I won't get over. Steph and I are going shopping and I'm going to buy clothes that actually fit. I have a $75 gift card to Old Navy. Hopefully, I can restrain myself to $75-$100 in purchases.

I can't really complain about life right now. Well, I could, but what good would that do?

onlysaytheword @ 2004-02-11T02:45:00

2004-02-11T07:48:39Z

Well, I didn't mean to start a Onerock war with my last post. I sincerely apologise for any strife it has caused. I have ill will towards no one, really. I'm just a little pissed that things are wicked screwed up right now.

And I will get to those interviews, but it's 247 am and I need sleep.

I'm pretty damn pissed

2004-02-10T18:04:02Z

Onerock has fallen to like ZERO priority in my life.

Is it really too much to ask to have UNEDITED articles forwarded to me??????

2/4 of my Magazine is MIA and I don't even fucking care anymore. It takes too much effort to care. Laura (and Katrina), I love you dear, and I really appreciate that you actually did what you said you'd do AND MORE, but everyone else who is SUPPOSED to be editors on this Magazine... where are the G-ddamned ARTICLES????????

I would have stopped caring along time ago if I hadn't been worried about dissapointing Tim, but he seems to have checked out as well, and I understand that everyone has things they have to deal with and I respect that, but I can't bring myself to make a huge investment in something if I'm going to have to feel like I'm going it alone.

And I feel just A LITTLE ALONE in this right now.

So excuse me while I go be a whiney bitch in the corner and cease to give a fuck.

onlysaytheword @ 2004-02-10T12:09:00

2004-02-10T17:12:06Z

I really will get to those interview questions that Tanya and Jen sent me. I just don't feel well right now.

I slept from 12:30 to 11:30. Damn. And I have the biggest headache ever. Oh well. Nothing a little work can't cure. :P

Oh, and Tiff is the best. Love ya, dear.

Someday...

2004-02-10T05:19:03Z

I'll be able to say:

Don't need no copy of Vogue magazine
Don't need to dress like no beauty queen
High heels or sneakers he don't give a damn
My baby loves me just the way that I am
My baby loves me just the way that I am

He never tells me I'm not good enough
Just give me unconditional love
He loves me tender and he loves me mad
He loves me silly and he loves me sad

He thinks I'm pretty, he thinks I'm smart
He likes my nerve and he loves my heart
He's always sayin' he's my biggest fan
My baby loves me just the way that I am
My baby loves me just the way that I am

When there's dark clouds in my eyes
He just sits back and lets 'em roll on by
I come in like a lion and go out like a lamb
My baby loves me just the way that I am
My baby loves me just the way that I am

He thinks I'm pretty, he thinks I'm smart
He likes my nerve and he loves my heart
He's always sayin' he's my biggest fan
My baby loves me just the way that I am
He thinks I'm pretty, he thinks I'm smart
He likes my nerve and he loves my heart
Don't see no reason to change my plan
My baby loves me just the way that I am
My baby loves me just the way that I am

The Scholar
Thrives on learning, on developing their mind, on
bettering themselves, on absorbing as much as
possible on comprehending it all...very self
involved but very intelligent

A unique perspective on one's inner self: who are you?
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