I'm undeleting this so that I don't lose the 500 odd entries I made. But I won't be using it anymore, so don't bother commenting on anything.

I don't even know what to write. I'm so frustrated, I want to just delete this journal.

I feel very judged lately. People who know only half-stories are passing judgement without in my opinion even trying to understand my side of things.

I didnt decide to stop going to church because i wanted to reject god> my keyboard is all messed up< so my typing is too> i stoppped going to church because church was making me umhappy and i was being dishonest with myself and trying to be someone i"m not>

i"m just trying to be me< without all the pretending> no more pretending for me> i refuse to be someone i"m not< just to make my friends happy> and if you"re really my friend you"ll just accept that i am who i am>

whatever> i"ll decide after work whether i want to delete this thing>

Current Mood: irritated

You're Catch-22!

by Joseph Heller

Incredibly witty and funny, you have a taste for irony in all that you
see. It seems that life has put you in perpetually untenable situations, and your sense
of humor is all that gets you through them. These experiences have also made you an
ardent pacifist, though you present your message with tongue sewn into cheek. You
could coin a phrase that replaces the word "paradox" for millions of
people.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

@#!%*

I hate this fucking computer. Long long udpate full of thoughts erased into oblivion.

And I'm not typing them again.

I'll sum it up quickly. Yes, I've changed. And I'm glad I have. I like the me in progress. The me I'll someday become.

I'm a good person. I don't need religion to make me 'good.'

That's about it.

Got woken up by Justin this morning and called into work for lunch, and I'm glad I did.

Working during the day ROCKS. The atmosphere is just so much more positive. It's amazing how palpable it is that it's not prejudged that we're going to fail. My window time was 20 seconds, which is like, great. I've never had it that low before. Jess said at one point it was 19. Yay. My ROVs were .15% and my Biggie Sizing was 45.45%. Subpar Crew Member? I think not!

Going back at 8 to work until close. Hoping things will go as well. I am determined to go in with a positive attitude. It doesn't help for me to be pessimistic and all.

Speaking of positivity, I am feeling better about handling my loan payments. My Sallie Mae loan payments are going to be $200 a month and my Direct loan payments are going to be $103 a month. In 4 years, my Sallie Mae payments will go up, but if I can't handle all my payments, I can extend the term of my Direct Loans. If I don't extend the term, I'll be all paid off in ten years. Things just seem much more manageable right now.

It feels good.

Current Mood: good

You know, there was a time when I thought my redeeming qualities included being fairly inteligent and down to earth, ultimately choosing the good inspite of my regular impulsiveness.

My grandmother told me today that she thinks my values have changed, and I'm sure David is convinced I'm the most stupid person he knows. (or close)

I really don't know. I don't think my values have declined, which is what my grandmother means when she said they've changed. My core values have always been the same. To be a generally honest person of good character who stands up for what is right and loves her friends unconditionally. The hours I keep, clothes I wear, friends I have, and churches I do not attend have no affect on that.

And screw you if you think they do.

Current Mood: angry

Don’t be afraid to hold me tight
You know I won’t break in two
What we’re doing tonight
Sure beats what we’re going through
We’ve both loved and lost before
We know the sadness it can bring
Tonight let’s close the door
And hold on to the nearest thing

Let’s keep hanging on
So we won’t fall apart
Let’s make love tonight
Like we never had a broken heart

Don’t be afraid to close your eyes
Pretend I’m someone that you love
And I won’t have to tell you lies
’cause it’s not you I’m thinking of

Let’s keep hanging on
So we won’t fall apart
Let’s make love tonight
Like we never had a broken heart

Tonight we’ll just pretend
We’ve been in love right from the start
Let’s make love again
Like we never had a broken heart

Don’t be afraid to close your eyes

Current Mood: cold

Don't behave with cold manners. Add a fortune to your website or blog, click here.

Oy. I'm definitely sick again.

Damn my throat.

Okay, so the articles didn't get edited today. And I won't have time tomorrow.

But Tuesday. I swear!!

Christine should be sending me more, so we'll be all set. Yay.